


Perfect Burden

by hitmewiththatfanart33



Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots [12]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, M/M, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, demus - Freeform, dukeceit, janus is hot, remus is short, virgil is kind of an asshole but there's a reason for that and I might redeem him in part two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:34:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25500691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitmewiththatfanart33/pseuds/hitmewiththatfanart33
Summary: Janus falls from heaven and makes a life with his charge until things go terribly wrong.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Oneshots [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796293
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Perfect Burden

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Mention of natural disasters resulting in death, burns, throwing up (water), non-sexual nudity, innuendos, cursing, and mild self-inflicted angel gore.

Remus was its perfect burden.

The angel could recall its first memory of him. Laughing, curls falling in his face after tripping into the mud, and the way he made it look made the being want to feel mud, but mud wasn't allowed. Mud was bad. Mud belonged to imperfect humans, not to heaven. It chanted that to itself over and over and over until it had convinced itself that it certainly did _not_ want to feel that squishing feeling of something so perfectly imperfect and messy, (like its Remus), that made its human giggle so.

The humans had this silly saying: "time makes the heart grow fonder," or something like that... and for the angel it certainly did. Mind you, guardians weren't meant to fall for their charges, and if they were, none of them were brave enough to give up paradise to try and survive on earth with no identification, no guide or way. Lost. But that didn't mean it couldn't toy with the idea of love. Would Remus love it back? Or would he be terrified of the idea that it had seen every intimate detail of his life and loathe it? It wasn't like it wanted to spy on him; it was forced to see, but it only really _looked_ when Remus wanted to be noticed by someone.

When Remus danced alone in his room, it tried to mimic the funny little jumps and shakes, always loving when Remus played music. When Remus played make believe with his twin— it had a twin too, an angel with exquisite violet eyes and feathers meant to watch over Roman— it tried to get its twin to fight with it too, but after a while it stopped participating and insisted that it was foolish to try to act like humans. "Our job is to watch and grant small mercies and that is it," its twin had told it before leaving it all alone in what everyone called paradise. Remus' angel never truly recovered from the loss.

It just wanted to be _loved._

Remus got older, and so did his angel with him, which made things both simpler and easier. On one hand, it could now form its own thoughts clearer. Remus' personality also came out stronger than ever before, leaving it to _love_ stronger than ever before. But on the other hand...

Remus started falling in love and stopped sleeping entirely alone, and it started gouging its eyes out because it couldn't bear to watch, gold staining the perfect blank, bright expanse around it. Its eyes would always heal back however, never staying imperfect for long. That left it to perform the excruciating task over and over and over, and the angel hated every bit of it. If its brother had been there it would have told him to stop being so pitiful.

Then something happened. Its bold, curious human rubbed off on it, it supposed... or maybe it had been created like this. Created broken, but for what? The gods didn't make broken things without purpose, did they? And that was exactly why it fell from heaven.

It questioned.

It questioned the gods, its existence, how things were run, why it was only allowed to grant a certain number of mercies with far too many rules on how, and why the gods had done nothing in- in _millennia_. To be fair, nobody had told it that questions were traitorous— that they were called "doubt." It was called unfaithful and shameful, but at least it had gotten to see its twin looking at it one last time as it plummeted, even if it was in disgust.

The feeling was soul-wrenching, and it knew in that moment what it must feel like to drink molten lava from a volcanic cup. The fall felt like many other things, too. It felt strange because it had never fallen before. (Its Remus had, plenty of times, but none as painful or as far from home as this one.) Felt... freeing because it was something new, something different, and it could no longer see its Remus, but _feel_ him. But above all else, it was agony like nothing else, like your mind being ripped from you then crudely shoved back in with a sickening popping sound as your back scorched because your beautiful golden coat of grace was burning off and leaving streaks of what humans called stardust in the sky behind it until your wings were nothing but charcoal black. It felt like a shooting star, both the sensation _and_ the being. It would touch down to earth soon with flames licking at its face, and the terror of not knowing what that would feel like overwhelmed it.

What was it to feel? To be allowed to be imperfect? Was it constant agony like this that would make it gutturally _scream_ — it had never screamed before now— or was it calm? It never wanted to fall, and yet, it was too scared to stop for fear of uncertainty.

Then cold, heavy, sharp, sizzling water roared up around its heavenly body, sending earthquakes and tsunamis to violently consume countless lives in order to fill the black hole the guardian left in paradise with the light of enough human souls to make up for an angelic one. The sound was deafening, and the feeling ripped through its body, completely enveloping it and pushing it down until it shattered the ocean floor, all alone in the pitch black darkness. It was far different from the nothing it was used to. It was everything, in fact, and everything was far more horrifying. Then it breathed for the first time, golden eyes flying open to light up the entire floor, and a whirlpool swirled on the water's surface as its lungs were filled up like balloons.

Its fall would be the biggest event to happen to humanity in an unfathomable number of lifetimes.

All because it asked _questions_.

Bitterness swallowed its soul whole, and it pushed itself up despite the pressure that could have crushed a whale holding it down, knowing it had to go on. Yes, it would be human now. A beautiful, imperfect human like Remus, and... he would question and love and play in the _fucking_ mud. And he didn't know why, but he knew his name now. Now that he was free, now that he belonged to himself, now that he was so far from everything he knew...

Janus closed his eyes as he struggled to breathe. There was only one thing that was clear in his mind, so strong he felt it pulling at his core: he had to find his human. In his mind, he located him before using every last bit of his energy to get himself there. He could feel the shift between places; the way the pressure popped his ears, how the air turned colder and less wet, and how everything sounded still and calm, yet... _alive_.

He felt weak and dizzy and vulnerable, which were all very new things to him, but the only thing he could care about in that moment was how carpet felt beneath his feet. He didn't know it would feel like... _that_. Rough yet soft. Opening his eyes even as the world spun, Janus decided he liked carpet, and he stared down at his new fleshy toes as they wriggled around in it. Then an uncomfortable, pressured sick feeling rose up in him as a warning just before his body expelled itself of all the water he'd consumed. He _didn't_ like that. Just carpet.

The carpet seemed to like him too, rushing up to meet his face.

***

Remus blinked. The last thing he expected to happen on a Tuesday night in his apartment living room while he was watching Naked and Afraid was for a soaking wet, bare naked, tall man with bleach white hair, golden eyes, and long, draping black wings to show up and promptly puke water before collapsing.

"What the fuck have I been smoking?" The answer was nothing— not on a Tuesday, at least— but he did know that there was someone on his floor, (with a _massive_... set of wings, might he add), that needed help.

Moments later, he had Logan on speaker while he frantically checked the angelic-looking dude on his floor for any sign of life. There were oozing burns coating the left side of his face and his shoulder, and when Remus found that he was at least breathing, he let out a deep breath of relief. "No time to explain, fuckass, just please get here and don't freak out when you walk in because I have no idea what the fuck is going on either, okay? Okay."

"Remus, if this is about the tsunamis—"

"The _what_?! Could this night get any fucking weirder?" The angel's breathing suddenly came in as a rattling sound.

"Wait... Remus, what's that noise? Who's there?"

"I don't... exactly know? But he's hurt and unconscious."

Then Logan's shocked voice came through the phone.

"I'm on my way over now."

Remus waited, anxiously rocking back and forth next to the angel's head and watching the now-steady rise and fall of his chest. Whoever this man was, he was beautiful, and Remus didn't think or say that about a lot of things. His head was small, his face almost roundish if not for the point of his chin, and he had the thickest, longest eyelashes Remus had ever seen on a person. After a handful of minutes just admiring him, his front door opened, and Logan appeared from the short hallway. He took one look at the angel before joining him in unconsciousness, and Remus winced when his head landed. "Oh not you too. Fucking hell," Remus groaned.

When Logan finally woke up, it took awhile— an hour and three minutes to be precise— for him to come to terms with the fact that there were things out there beyond their comprehension that simply couldn't be explained, and after several existential crises, he convinced him to help move the angel to his bed. With how short Remus was compared to the other two and how scrawny the nerd was, it was difficult. Angel dude was tall, and the sheer amount of muscle on him made him weigh a ton.

"Do you think we should lay him on his stomach? Because of the wings?" Remus asked when they had managed to push open his bedroom door with a lot of grunting and heavy breathing.

Logan's mouth twisted up in thought. "Probably. It might be detrimental to do otherwise," he said.

Remus nodded and rolled him onto the bed, Logan following with his feet. The being's beautiful wings limply fanned out over his back, draping over the edge of each side of the bed, and Remus made sure to turn his head to the side for him so he could breathe. His friend watched him curiously when he began adjusting the pillows in a careful manner. "What?" Remus sighed.

"Nothing," Logan remarked, "I was merely noting how differently you're acting."

Remus glared at him. He was very much not acting different, and he would make sure Logan knew it, too. "You think his dick is uncomfortable?" he asked, cocking his head thoughtfully with a hand on his chin, gazing down at the Adonis of a man in his bed. It was a Remus enough question. The nerd just looked flustered, refusing to respond to his very serious question.

Logan crossed his arms. "Do you need me for anything else? As much as I'd love to stay and study him, I would also like to get some sleep."

"Can you just... Can you make sure he's okay? He chucked up like an entire bathtub on my carpet. And he's got a few burns." He chewed on his nail, feeling hopeless while at the same time like everything in his entire life centered around this person and that his purpose had been found.

"I didn't bring a stethoscope or anything, but I will do my best," his nurse friend promised. He moved over to the bed, checking his pulse with firm presses against his wrist and counts under his breath. Then he pressed his ear to his back for a few moments... Remus kept holding his breath. He didn't know why, but he did, and Logan had moved on to checking the being's eyes. "Holy shit," Logan muttered.

Remus leaned forward, pulse racing. "Wha—"

"His eyes are golden."

"Yeah, I know. Don't fucking scare me like that..." Remus ran his hands through his hair with a deep breath, interlocking them behind his head. "So other than that, is he gonna be okay?"

"Everything seems normal, and the burns look like they're already scarring over somehow. I can't exactly be sure if there's any brain damage or know if there are any special signs to look for in a... winged creature like this one." Logan seemed to fight himself on something before curiosity won out. "Can I take a picture of his wings?"

"Too dangerous," Remus decided quickly. "If you come back with like a camera or something, then maybe, but you can't show anyone."

Logan nodded. "Call me if anything changes."

"Will do." Logan turned to leave the room. "Thank you, Lo." (Remus never thanked anyone, not even his own brother.)

He pretended not to hear the smile in his voice when Logan said, "You're welcome."

Remus sighed. Well, he wasn't sleeping tonight, and work would just have to suck it up tomorrow. He sat on the edge of the bed by the pillows, absentmindedly running his fingers along the incredibly silky wings from where they came out of his back in a soft gradient of skin to feathers. Who was this guy?

And why had he chosen Remus?

***

Janus awoke to something better than carpet. It was softer, smoother, and definitely more flat while still allowing his body to sink further into it. It cradled his head higher than the rest of him, and a noise of contentment left his lips, the sun giving his eyelids a different hue. That was when he remembered.

He remembered the gods and his own twin abandoning him for wanting more, and he remembered the look of horror when he asked why he couldn't love his human. He remembered falling while flames scorched his newly vulnerable skin, shards of water tearing at him and filling his lungs, and he remembered the gods claiming all of those innocent humans for something he'd done. His eyes flew open with his chest heaving in the memories. With his wings out like this, there was no way he could maneuver much in such a tight space, for they were really only good in the air, so he carefully drew them in and turned himself over to sit up. He knew this room... This was the room within a bigger room that made up a building of rooms, or as Remus called it, his apartment.

He was in his bed— _so this is what a bed feels like_ — but there was no sign of his human. He stared at the old horror movie posters and the strange figurines on his small desk for an indecisive moment before getting up. Gravity felt heavy, and thus it was decided that he did not like it.

Somehow he made it out of the room all in one piece despite his head feeling like it would explode at any second, tracing his fingers along the wall as he dragged himself down the hallway in search of Remus, feeling his presence in his chest. What did he think of him? Would he find him imperfect like everyone else? Would he fear him?

There was another door to his left, and like a lost puppy, he poked his head inside to find an empty room before exploring the bathroom. Nothing interesting there either, so he journeyed back to the living room he'd arrived in earlier to search for answers. He was so absorbed in this, he passed right by Remus cooking dinner in the kitchen. Then again, how was he supposed to know the air didn't just smell like that?

"Can I help you with something, naked angel that just appeared in my living room last night and decided to pass out?" Janus flinched. It was Remus' voice, and he sounded oddly calm if not amused.

He turned toward the kitchen like a deer caught in headlights. Remus' hair was a fluffy mess, as per usual, and he was at the very least shirtless. "I—" Janus paused. Speaking felt... strange. He'd never had to before. Angels had a different way of communicating, and that included simply exuding your thought at a certain frequency.

Luckily Remus interrupted. "Tough question, I get it. Uh... Well, we can start with what your name is?"

_His name. He'd known what it was last night... it was um_... "Janus!" he blurted out in far too loud of a voice. _Yes. That felt right. Janus._ Janus saw Remus raise an eyebrow. _Right. Too loud._ "My name is Janus," he repeated sheepishly. That seemed to get a better reaction.

"Okay, Janus," he began slowly. "Why are you in my apartment? What are you?"

He bit his lip, eyes flickering to the floor. "I was cast from heaven. I asked too many questions, I suppose." He shrugged, and he could see Remus coming from around the counter out of the corner of his eye. He _did_ have pants on (shocking). They were olive green cargo pants with enough pockets to contain everything Remus needed for his lovely chaos. When he braved a look at him, his eyes were filled with... _wonder._ He didn't know many things about people or how to read them, but he'd seen this look on a smaller scale on Remus before when he gazed at cool bugs or reptiles or any other grotesque thing he fancied that Janus fancied too. (He particularly liked snakes.)

"So... You _are_ an angel." Remus turned his head and muttered something about sins before going right back to looking at Janus like... well, he didn't have many good comparisons because he didn't get to enjoy a lot of things for himself, but the humans seemed to use "like the stars" quite often, so that would do. What did Remus see in him that no one else had before?

"Yours specifically," he clarified.

"What?"

"I was created with the sole purpose of watching over you, Remus." And where he thought his human would recoil, he only came closer.

Suddenly Remus was just in front of him, his warmth perceptible even with the film of air between them. "Oh," he breathed out. There was a pause, but a pause was enough time to fall into someone's eyes, especially when they looked at you like you'd never been looked at before. It was so strange to be able to memorize Remus' face all over again from a different perspective. "Of course my guardian angel fell because of curiosity..."

Remus... smiled at him.

All toothy and fond and everything...

Huh.

Then he was touching his face, and oh... was that what it felt like? Warmth, another pulse against your wanting skin, so desperate for attention that a single palm had you melting into the other person— your whole purpose for existence... Everything in his life was Remus, and everything in the entire universe worked to bring him here now. He made a small whine of a sound. There was no shame in that here, was there? Earth was messy like mud and he was allowed to want— no, _need_ — to be taken care of for just a moment, so he saw no wrongdoing in using his own feeling hand to press the touch there to his face to keep forever. Remus was no longer Janus'... Janus was his.

He no longer felt remorse over falling like he had a few moments ago. He felt _proud_ , for why wouldn't he be when he got to see his human? Why wouldn't he be when he had complete and utter freedom to do as he wished like play with mud and love and kiss and bite and do all the creative little things humans came up with that were deliciously bad? _Gods_ , he wanted to be bad.

"You're perfect," Remus said, and it was the first time that he'd been enough rather than less.

See, Janus had always been _expected_ to be without flaw, but he never met the standard, so when this perfect burden of his looked at him with eyes softer than he'd ever seen him look at anyone before and said those words, it was like a dream come true. And he got to experience his first time crying because of it. First his eyes sort of stung, and for a moment he thought he was still leaking from the ocean, but then Remus told him, as droplets slipped down his cheeks, "Oh, don't cry... Let's get you fixed up and settled in, okay? You're mine now. No one can hurt you ever again."

Oh, how he was wrong.


End file.
